A girl and her cigar

A girl and her cigar
Since I have a captive audience here for my amusement, I'll tell you that any cigar smoking gal can have a tough time while in public, smoking alone. Most men are too intrigued by the female with the cigar, they just can't let her be.
One of the many experiences I encountered happened in middle-of-nowhere Texas. Obviously there are a number of places that fit that description. This time it was in Odessa. While visiting a friend, we went to a club so she could go dancing.
....Chilling at a table with my travel humi and beer. My friend was dancing her socks off and I was content, but there seemed to be a quest to change that. Cue the freaks. It's not often I get to call someone a freak. I mean, I'm covered in tattoos, among them I have two awesome 3/4 sleeves that get as much attention as my red hair. I've never understood the red hair phenomena but that's a rant for another day.
Freak number one; a hippy of undetermined age approaches, he had gray curly hair but his face looked younger, heavyset, and had on little round dark sunglasses, and a star of david hanging around his neck with a hat that looked like it came from Mr Peanut. He asked if he could join me and have a smoke. I politely told him no. I mean c'mon, if i don't know you, you're not getting my cigars. Took awhile of saying no and just being rude, but he finally got the hint and left. Then came freak number two; rap star wanna be. White guy, baggy pants, sideways hat, stupid speech. All the cliches. His pick up line "So I noticed you're different, so am I. We should hang" my response "No, I'm different, you're stupid." I got a look of defeat and he scurried off. It was a never ending stream of stupid. And the pick up lines were endless. "So...you like things in your mouth?" "So....size matters?" "I could give you something to smoke. Hee Hee." "I see you like your cigars like you like your men, long and dark." Ugh! Really?! I've heard them all.
Best way to approach a girl with a stogie, bring your own and ask what she's smoking. Although a lot of you gentlemen may be too late. If we know what cigars we like, we also know what men we like and chances are, we've already found one.